There are two people speeding across lanes of oncoming traffic on a motorbike. The driver is a disgruntled man trying to do his job. He pulls up behind a 7/11 and points to a narrow walk way between buildings. The person sitting behind him stumbles off the bike and also points down the alley, trying to be certain that she’s not about to wander into something like that due to miscommunication.
If you’re wondering who that bitch is, it’s me.
If you want to understand how I got there, we have to start at the beginning.
The day starts with us having no idea what to do or where to go. I feel like I should take a moment to emphasized how unplanned this trip really is. We still have to book planes and find places to stay. We only have our trip to Vietnam really worked out.
So we will probably be making lots of last minute plans. And today we kicked that off by deciding we wanted to see Ayutthaya, which is the ruins of a city that got burnt to the ground during a political struggle.
To get there, we have to take a taxi, to a station, get a van (yes, a van. It’s super normal here. It will make unsolicited stops to exchange goods with people on the side of the street, but I’m sure that’s normal too) to Ayutthaya, and then get a tuk tuk to take us around because it is a spicy hot day (a tuk tuk is basically a motorbike that gives off the illusion that it’s a very small car with seats in the back)There’s a bike option (actual, foot powered bicycle, not motor) but there’s no way in hell we’re going to make it if we do that.
On our way to the van station, our taxi driver asks us where we’re going, and when we tell him, he laughs and says it’s a little late for a trip to Ayutthaya, but we were committed to the cause. The van station is good. They’re very efficient there and get us where we need to go in record time despite our ineptitude with Van Station Protocol.
We eventually get to Ayutthaya, secure a tuk tuk, and get on our way. Tuk tuks are pretty rad. It gives the freeway experience a whole different vibe than from inside a van and I’m pretty into it. Ayutthaya itself is amazing. Most of it is made from brick, which wasn’t what I had imagined for ruins in South East Asia, but it was worn and curved and sinking into the ground, so it felt ancient and reclaimed by the earth. I’ve never really seen brick look so organic before. One of the places had left over towers that still had the concrete detailing left and there were plants sprouting out of improbable places. I think the most famous thing there was a Buddha head that’s been partially grown over by tree roots that gives off a very Powerful feeling, like if you happened to be there at dusk or dawn or when no one else is around the Buddha would open its eyes and lay some deep wisdom on you. Maybe.
These are sites that require you to show respect when you visit them. You do this by covering up and not wearing things that show your shoulders and your knees. And like a tourist/American/idiot I only brought shorts on this trip. So, I improvised. Way in the beginning, before we even left LAX, I panic bought an airplane blanket. I didn’t need this. I didn’t even use it on the plane.
But I did get to use it at Ayutthaya. It makes for a really awesome sarong/wrap. So I got my money’s worth, wasn’t That Tourist, and didn’t disrespect anything. Definitely the first panic purchase I’ve made that’s panned out in a positive way.
The Preparation of The Blanket
The Realization of Ultimate Blanket Potential and Accidental Matching
Eventually, we got hungry and asked our driver where we could eat. He drove us around for a little bit before pulling in to this dirt driveway. Which was unsettling for about five seconds but it opened up to a patio restaurant on a river.
I feel the need to emphasize the fact that this food was incredible. Maybe we found God by that river, maybe we were starving. Who knows. But I shed tears there. I’ve never had actual lemongrass on lemongrass chicken. I’m just, still a little shook about it.
But The River Dinner pretty much concluded our time with Ayutthaya and the tuk tuk. We made it back just in time to get on the last van.
But before the van leaves, my bladder is like “suh dude, I’m not really that full, but two hours is a long time, you know?” And I’m never one to not listen to my bladder. It’s relatively small but very insistent. So I ask one of the workers at the station if they have a bathroom and he points to the 7/11 down the street. I’m getting ready to practice my Olympic Sprint when the man points to his motorbike.
You get where this is going now, right?
You might be thinking, “Rachel, don’t be stupid. Don’t get on that man’s motorbike. Don’t be That Bitch.”
Well lads, I’m regularly stupid.
It occurred to me that this was maybe a bad idea as we made our way across traffic. And then past the 7/11.
There wasn’t enough time for true panic to set in because he stopped. And then pointed down a marginally dark but sufficiently narrow hallway. This might be another part where you’re telling me to not be stupid.
Again. Me, regularly stupid and slowly beginning to understand why people in horror movies end up in the situations they do.
I will say that I hesitated for a second. A very hot second, but there was a thought process while I stood in the middle of this potential murder hallway. And then a man comes out of the side door and points to some rubber yellow croc-esq shoes and then to a sign to pay to use. I figure I’m already deep in it so I follow instructions and make my way down the hall, with cool new shoes and 10 baht lighter.
And what do you know?
It opens up into a bathroom.
I still try to pee as fast as possible. Just because you think you’re in the clear doesn’t mean you are. But I came up on my old nemesis, the squat toilet, and had to reacquaint myself with the procedure.
But I lived.
I took off those rubber shoes, put mine back on, got on the motorbike, and sat down with my lads in that van three minutes later.
And thinking about it now (and talking about it with my mom), I realize that I’m thinking about this as an American. There’s no way that that would have been any sort of a good idea in the States. But I don’t really know anything about Thailand and the ratio of stranger motorbike rides to murders. I mean it’s always good to be careful but I should probably not always assume murder or be a suspicious dickhead all the time. People do stuff differently everywhere. I’m still convinced my small bladder will be my downfall, but not today, not in Thailand.
Anyways, we really don’t need to talk about that anymore. After another van trek, we ended up at an MRT station. I’ve said before that Bangkok is packed with people. I’ve never seen a busier airport terminal or a thicker throng of people trying to navigate a footbridge. So it makes sense that the MRT station is build to accommodate that kind of traffic.
Except there was literally no one in there. Imagine that. This place was built like an airplane hanger, made to withstand the crowds and it was empty. It felt a little apocalyptic, like we had stumbled upon a bunker underneath the city, abandoned until needed.
Unsettling as it was, we did take the MRT to a night market where we feasted. It started storming and the vendors each rolled out their chosen method of rain prevention and set it up like an awning, which turned the rows of the market into tunnels of food and flowy pants.
There’s nothing that I like more than the sound of rain and the smell of good food, so I was definitely living.
And now we’re back at the room after braving the rains and the apocalypse MRT. I realize that this post is Very Long. It’s probably boring to read, but I want to remember everything. And judging by the repeated lack of sleep, I’m not going to be able to retain the details for very long, so I want to get it all down while I still remember it.
Until the next long winded post, Godspeed my dudes.
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